H1N'hell no!

Yokel- You know the best thing about Branson these days? You don't have to worry about swine flu.

College Grad- Really?

Yokel- Yeah man. Its safe here AND they're taking every precaution. Like that place we ate at for lunch... NO ham, no pork. They just stuck to the other deli meats. Its safe here, ya know?

College Grad- That was a kosher deli. And seriously, swine flu? That fad passed man.


-Where else but the deli

I'd pay more for Palin

Guy with creepier friend: What's the deal with all that lipstick mumbo jumbo from the past couple weeks? Palin says it, Obama says it, McCain complains about it. All this talk about lipstick and pigs and pit bulls just reminds me of bad high school memories... well memories.


-where else but the river

aMAIZ(E)ing

Farmer 1: $5.15 a bushell! $5.15! Shit!

Farmer Brother: So no lobster buffet tonight?


-- Holiday Inn Express lobby tv

Dead! or Alive?

Husky Guy 1: Did you hear George Carlin died?

Guy 2: What? No, I guess his 8 o'clock show is canceled then.

Husky: Yeah, sucks.


--Plainsman Pancake House

Blossoms, no bosoms

Lady 1: Did you see that the girl from Blossom is doing a country concert tonight?

Lady 2: You mean like Blossom?

Lady 1: Well... no, I think its her friend... Six? Apparently she, well whoever she really is, recorded an album and she's playing Branson tonight.

Lady 2: Huh, I mean, fun? I think I'd prefer a stone fruit's blossom over Blossom's Six. At least a flower exudes sex appeal.

Lady 1: So no Six appeal?


-riverwalk

Why?

Midwestern Woman 1: Oh! mmmm... Cinnabon! I just didn't ever think there would be one here, lil' ol' Branson. Sure wasn't here last time, or was it Bill?

"Bill": No. If you go, don't get the roll, get the stix.

Woman: Ok, why?

"Bill": Because I don't want your sticky hands in the vanagon, and... I like to watch you dip.


--outside Cinnabon

Super-duper Tuesday

Regular Joe: [reading a text message] We just got Obama'd!

Average Joe: They bombed Missouri?! Where?!

Regular Joe: Oh gosh no, Obama won Missouri!

Average Joe: Ah, much better.


- Main St